Ho Hum. That's the Spirit

I had a theatre related existential crisis.  (This year is not going the way I hoped in terms of productions.)  I questioned everything I thought I knew about myself, what I wanted to do, and what's possible.  I am not disillusioned enough to think that life in theatre is easy, but I felt like there's only one professor at school who has seen any sort of acting potential in me.  And he is only directing one show at the end of the season.  I didn't get into Far Away.  Got called back for Joan and didn't get her.  I then turned my attentions to the touring theatre show - for young audiences - in hopes of feeling inspired again.  I made it into the show as Dog.  Dog is a dog.  Dog doesn't talk.  That seems to happen to me a lot.  Not the not talking part, but the movement based part. (The show is Wiley and the Hairy Man.)

look I'm an artist

Back to the crisis.

I do have a lot of skills in other fields.  I'm smart enough to go to law school if I want, though I really don't think that's what I want...  I felt like the results of show casting this year were telling me that perhaps acting isn't what I should be focusing on.  

But this is what I know.  I want to work in theatre.  I know that there are many other options that are just as rewarding as I find acting to be...  I don't really have anyone I can say this to who won't either be hyper critical or try to comfort me.  I am very frightened of the future and I feel the need to approach things logically at this point. I'm graduating in May and I don't know what's next.  I need to push.  I can't quit before I've tried, and I definitely am not planning on quitting.  I will say this - I do not intend to work for minimum wage.  Ever.  I am considering a costuming internship which is education based that pays pennies, but an internship is not a job and thus doesn't count.  I am educated and I am driven.  I will succeed no matter what I or anybody else might say.  I will.

and until then,
if you need me I will be in the library.

Cheers.