Still Chugging Along

The semester is drawing to a close.  IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!

As I check things off my "to do" list, I am trying to mentally prepare myself for next semester.  My final semester.  The last classes of my college career.  *Gasp*  How surreal!

Like dinos coming to life and drawing graffiti everywhere!

Or a raging peanut vampire sucking the peanut butter out of everyone!

But mostly, I just want to get through my finals, tucking (knock on wood) another semester's worth of A's into my back pocket.

This semester I have, written plays about chickens and short stories about teachers, acted in shows about vampires and directing scenes about wars and broken hearts, read book after book about the American West, created artwork with new mediums, learned to be a drama facilitator and effective leader, and made hats, nightgowns, chemises, gowns, and more in costuming.  I've sat in on meetings upon meetings, taking notes and adding input.  I've gone to ballets and recitals of both music and readings.  I was selected as an Outstanding Senior in the English Dept and won second place in a creative writing competition with a piece written in high school.  I was published in the campus literary magazine and went to the movies by myself a few times.  I cooked real food and even wore real adult clothes.  I'm sure I did more than just this, because it seems like a short list.  But here's the hat I made.

From scratch, I'll have you know.

And to be honest, I'm out of things to say.

Cheers.

Ho Hum. That's the Spirit

I had a theatre related existential crisis.  (This year is not going the way I hoped in terms of productions.)  I questioned everything I thought I knew about myself, what I wanted to do, and what's possible.  I am not disillusioned enough to think that life in theatre is easy, but I felt like there's only one professor at school who has seen any sort of acting potential in me.  And he is only directing one show at the end of the season.  I didn't get into Far Away.  Got called back for Joan and didn't get her.  I then turned my attentions to the touring theatre show - for young audiences - in hopes of feeling inspired again.  I made it into the show as Dog.  Dog is a dog.  Dog doesn't talk.  That seems to happen to me a lot.  Not the not talking part, but the movement based part. (The show is Wiley and the Hairy Man.)

look I'm an artist

Back to the crisis.

I do have a lot of skills in other fields.  I'm smart enough to go to law school if I want, though I really don't think that's what I want...  I felt like the results of show casting this year were telling me that perhaps acting isn't what I should be focusing on.  

But this is what I know.  I want to work in theatre.  I know that there are many other options that are just as rewarding as I find acting to be...  I don't really have anyone I can say this to who won't either be hyper critical or try to comfort me.  I am very frightened of the future and I feel the need to approach things logically at this point. I'm graduating in May and I don't know what's next.  I need to push.  I can't quit before I've tried, and I definitely am not planning on quitting.  I will say this - I do not intend to work for minimum wage.  Ever.  I am considering a costuming internship which is education based that pays pennies, but an internship is not a job and thus doesn't count.  I am educated and I am driven.  I will succeed no matter what I or anybody else might say.  I will.

and until then,
if you need me I will be in the library.

Cheers.

Who Am I.... 24601?

Here I am again.  In this lovely awkward family photo.

Look, I exist in color too.

Dracula is done now.  Whoosh.  That was the sound of my life going by.  Auditions for Far Away were yesterday and callbacks were tonight.  Fingers crossed for Joan.

Homecoming was a few weekends ago.  My first Homecoming at a legal drinking age, so yes, I partook in the festivities.  (You'll recall that I posted on Homecoming last year when I was 20 and I only drank tea.  OH YEAH. I'm now 22.  Weird.) This picture is from the morning of the parade after the Players' candidate didn't win king.  My hair is getting long.  This is odd, but sometimes I see a picture of me, like the ones on here and I think, that's not me...  It's weird but somehow I just sometimes don't connect my "self" with the "self" I see in a picture.  Good or bad, it is what it is.

So this is just a very odd blog post.  I don't have a lot to say.  I'm not having an identity crisis or anything, but I needed to say that.  Maybe it has something to do with my new age and my graduation date which is approaching more swiftly than I realized.  I am excited to go home this coming weekend to see my family and dog.  Onward to victory.

PS:  I am a great babysitter.  So is the Bloofer Lady

I am Vampire. Here Me Roar.

Grr.

Also, I am an artist.  Proof.

Fear me.

I'm sorry.  Or am I?  Think about me.  Not about you, not about the sky.  Me.  HA!  Impossible.  You don't know me.  I don't even know me.  So there.  I'm going to go write a play now.  Cheers.

Just Some Things

I auditioned for Dracula in hopes of being called back for Mina or Lucy.  It didn't happen.  I was confused and hurt.  I was called back as a Bride or Thrall and felt disappointed that it seems I get cast for my movement abilities.  Then I realized I might not make it into the show at all.  And then the pressure disappeared.  I wanted to own whatever role is given to me.  I thought, 'If I don't make it in, that sucks.  I'll have to find something else to do.  If I do make it in, that's great.  I'll learn something from the experience.'

I made it in.  So.  I've been to rehearsals only a few times.  I'm in three scenes.  I'm off book already - here's my line "And tonight?"  Yup.  That's that.  I realized that last year I would have been thrilled to get in the show in any role.  I've been spoiled.  That's what I think.  I wasn't cocky.  But I was used to being the star.  But you know, there is no stress.  I'm working in the costume shop.  I'm having fun going out with friends.  I have time for homework and time to procrastinate.  All is well.  Oh yeah, and the director decided to cut the Thralls from Act II.  Also, I feel like a rapist for the entire three minutes that I'm onstage in this show.

This is short because I'm finding myself at a loss for words.  Strange doesn't happen often.  Might have something to do with illness that has decided to try to take me down.  I'm fighting it with all I've got.  This is what I know.  These are two dudes that I miss a lot.

I am going to be the top of the pyramid in the Homecoming games in two weeks.  I am also a pro at talking people through the human knot.  I also bet I can do the jump roping part of the obstacle course relay while speeding through the Pledge of Allegiance.  This is what I look like as a statue.

I need to get groceries in the morning.  Desperately.  I keep almost drinking my paint water.  Workshopping creative writing stories is a painful experience.  My room is a sick disaster.  Tea has been my friend this weekend.  Coffee tastes delicious.  I wish that eating oatmeal took longer because it is yummy but a single serving is gone far too quickly.  I like cookie dough a lot.  Here's some art I did this weekend.

This is all I have to say.  Cheers.  Also I must say that I get to see Uncle Vanya at the Guthrie on Sat.  Super super excited/geeking out.  Awesome stuff.

Introducing.... The Bimbo

This is A Little Off the Top for which I also did costuming.

It is the story of two balding bachelors who, looking for love, invest in a toupee.  To be a little bit more specific, they time share this toupee.  All seems well in love and war until the two lovely love interests show up on the same night...

Hubert, a toupee salesmen offers a Hitler-esque piece which Jerry tries on.

Steve isn't sure about how Jerry looks in the
"up and jumping 'I'm younger than anybody' model"

Hubert, a man with more hair than anybody.
He ends up selling both Steve and Jerry a used toupee
which he stole off the dead guy at his funeral
(They were going to bury him in it and it wasn't even paid for!)

Lisa, that's me, is a sexy, ditzy young woman who works in a novelty shop
(not the balloons and stuff kind) and pursues older men with money.  J
erry, a plummer lies about his profession and Lisa goes for the kill in the supermarket.

Things get hairy when both dates show up on the same evening
as well as some friends of the bachelors!

A few days after the chaos of the dinner with friends,
the two ladies again show up on the same day and this time,
the bachelors don't do so well keeping their bald heads covered.

Lisa, upon discovering that her 'boy'friend is bald, runs screaming from the house.
Cheryl, the nurse, is a bit more understanding.

And we bow.

This was a fun show, save for the fact that some people never ended up memorizing their lines and screwed everything up night after night.... Also, that crazy dude who made life a little hellish was in it.  He's the one who Lisa pursued.  Let's just say that he's sixty and I had to sit on his lap.

Theatre for Youth

This is "The Tortoise and his Hair"

Thomas the Tortoise wakes one morning to find hair on the top of his head!  He goes on an adventure to the edge of the forest where Barbie's Dream Salon is located.  This is necessary because Shanakulam, the fierce-some lion and ruler of the forced has decreed that no one is allowed to cut their hair.  Along the way, he meets up with his oldest, most loyal friends and even makes some new ones too.  It is a delightful little production about embracing what makes you unique rather than being ashamed.  Full of songs and quirky characters, this show is a hit with children 3 to 13.  Adults didn't seem to mind it so much either.

Frizzie the Cat.
Played by my beautiful mother.
Frizzie is a bit spastic when it comes to shiny things.
She even sings a song about how much she loves them!

Sammie the Bird (who thinks she's a dog!)
Played by yours truly.
Sammie is the best friend of Thomas.
She encourages him to break through stereotypes
 (like Tortoises being slow or not having hair)
and tries to help him be the best version of himself.
I ALSO MADE ALL THE COSTUMES!!! (and designed hair and makeup)

Thomas the Tortoise.
Wants a haircut because he's afraid his friends and family will tease him.
Eventually he comes to realize that he has been acting silly and
 embraces what makes him different.

Barbie the Barber
A slightly ditzy doll who wonders why such a unique tortoise
would want to be the same as everyone else.

Dug Dog (he has know idea what's going on)
Played by my adorable little brother.
Dug, although not the brightest, knows what real friendship is.

Shanakulam (the Hare)
Shanakulam used to be best friends with Shanakulam (the lion)
but since then has had to run from the lion because
 she kidded her once about her long ears
 saying she would make a good rabbit.

Shanakulam (the Lion)
Hey, it's a common name!
Ruler of the forest who eventually learned to change
by getting a haircut and embracing her big ears.
She even becomes friends with the hare again! (They're like the same person!)

Cheers

I have a billion production photos from the shows this summer, but I'll try to make a post for each show as time allows.

Too Good for Him

Being back in my apartment was like stepping into a different reality.  Like it was someone else's life.  I was back in EC working on my theatre research grant.  The first night I spent time with a friend I've had since freshman year.  We sat on her roof drinking tea, talking, and listening to a band practicing their music a few houses away.  It was beautiful.  It felt like this:

But the longer I was there, the more I realized that I was bored.  I have been asking for a vacation.  And when I got it, finally I was alone and finally I had some peace and quiet, I was bored.  I desperately wanted sushi.  And an apple.

You know what this looks like?  Heaven.

Coming back to Hazelhurst made Eau Claire feel like a blur.  It's like I said, there are worlds between this life and my life there.  Music Man is over. Five pounds later.  The dress I could hardly zip two months ago felt almost too roomy tonight.  Tonight, on a full stomach, I weigh what I did in high school during the overlap of winter guard and track.  But I digress.

Music Man was quite the run.  I loved it.  I hated it.  I learned a lot.  The pressure I put on myself initially was overwhelming.  It was my first time as a female lead who sings.  I don't have the training to do that.  There were a lot of tears.  And a lot of stressed out, sleepless nights.  When we had our first/final dress/tech the day of opening, it was a disaster and I still didn't know my lines.  I wasn't confident in my voice, and definitely wasn't confident in other people.  But I pushed through.  As the shows continued, they got better.  My singing got better.  The transitions between shows tightened up.  But when it was 105 degrees in the theatre under the stage lights, people got dehydrated and cranky.  People sat in front of fans and talked so that I could hear them from the stage.  Water bottles littered the ground and chipmunks ran around in the dressing room.  It was crazy.  It sounds funny now, but kissing a man who is absolutely dripping in sweat was not, let me repeat, not fun.

And then what happens but the weather turns and it's freezing.  The last few days/nights we were dragging blankets around backstage and huddling like penguins.  I even found out that the man who played Marcellus was drunk most of the run of the show.  He apparently chewed gum on stage too.  The part that hurt me the most though, was that my Harold Hill got worse with each performance.  The audience wouldn't have known and most of the cast didn't realize, but it seemed like he stopped caring.  He started a secret relationship with our Oklahoma!'s Laurey and stopped caring about anything else.  Preoccupied I guess.  (I said secret because there's not a lot of us who know.  He doesn't even know that I know.)  The point is, each night I found it harder to act opposite of him because he lost his charm onstage.  Harold Hill became a dork.  A jerk.  Unpleasant somehow.  Not believable and not likable.  Not to me at least.  I had to act my butt off.  The problem is that Harold is such a well written character, that people like him no matter what.  So of course he got compliments.  He did a good job.  I just didn't ever see him strive for something better.  Plus Marian is just too good for him.  And I hate that she falls for him anyway.  She's so smart.  She's not waiting for some man.  He falls into her lap and she has the knowledge and ability to take him down but she doesn't because she gets trapped under his spell.  And then when she's thinks she's not under his spell and thinks that she's making an informed decision, she goes to him anyway.  Even though she's too good for men.  She fails.  I love her, but I think she failed me.

And of course, every night the owner thanked people in his curtain speech.  Thanks to the light designer/board op.  Thanks to the accompanist.  Thanks to the "director" (guy who played Hill).  Thanks to our wonderful volunteers/the community member actors.  No thanks to me.  No mention of costumes.  You know how much it sucks to be in costuming?  People complain like nobody's business.  People make snide remarks.  People think they can change their costume without asking.  I see people go out onstage with their costumes on wrong because they wanted to "try something else" without asking.  No one asks.  No one respects costuming.  No one is happy that they're not going onstage NAKED.  But whatever.

I started this post because I wanted some kind of sentimental release.  It turned into a rant.  Obviously.  The point I was trying to make to myself is that it was beautiful in its suckiness.  It was encouraging despite the train wrecks.  I hate endings.  So I got teary at the very end of the show and had to pull it together for curtain.  I still want to be sentimental.  But I'm finding it hard.  I'm too tired to be sentimental.  But I do know that's I've grown a heck of a lot as a person, as an actor, as a singer I guess I could say too.  But now I'm tired.  I just want to sleep.

Cheers.

Just Breathe

Oh my goodness... I was sitting on the dock on the 4th, hanging out with my family when I realized... I had neglected to update this little doohickey for too long.  I can't even remember my life anymore.  OH!  Right, right, right.  So that crazy director guy DID quit.  Again.  But this time we tried to replace him.  Well that didn't work out too well because we were still running shows.  And besides 'directing,' he was in every show (minus one).  So everyone who was going to take his acting roles walked out because they were freaked out about having to learn the parts in less than a day.  So it turned out that he had to stay for a while and then we slowly replaced him in every role but two.  He doesn't sparkle on stage anymore.  And he screws up a lot more often than he used to.  Sucks for him.

It's now been ten days since I started this post.  And today just happens to be the morning after the opening of....

Marian had been scaring me since day one.  As we approached opening, there were many more things to worry about, costumes, people missing entrances, people not knowing their lines or songs, choreographing, quick changes...  I had so much to worry about I could hardly keep my head wrapped around my own lines and blocking and songs.  So I worried about singing and being heard.  I worried about the 90 degree weather.  I worried about being abandoned on stage when other people forget their lines.  I worried about looking stupid.... it was frightening.  Especially after a horrible horrible dress rehearsal.  So opening night, just a few hours after that final dress, things improved... to a certain degree.  I was abandoned on stage.  Several times.  People forgot their lines.  I had to save the day.  People forgot their entrances.  I had to call for them in character.  The lights came up in the wrong spot.  I had to sing in the dark until I could meander over to where the light was.  I was so sweaty that I hardly made my quick change because I was getting stuck in the long sleeves (plus I think I've lost enough weight from stress that my petticoat hardly even fits anymore) and the zipper kept eating the fabric along the sides and I couldn't do much about it because we were in pitch black because the black light burned out during the performance.  So when I finally made it on stage I was a bit breathless which was not good because one of the most iconic songs of the show was coming up and I couldn't breathe.

But the audience loved it.  They loved me.  When Rory (Hill) and I came out for our bow, they cheered really hard.  And when I had my solo bow, they cheered even harder.  People told me I was beautiful.  That I had a beautiful voice.  A gift.  A wonderful talent.  One man said that I broke his heart and made him cry.  Now hearing some of these complements while standing next to Rory, who has the brightest, strongest tenor voice I've ever heard, is amazing.  I have been so insecure about this role, and so stressed out, and absolutely nauseated the entire week.... It felt pretty good.  Even though I had to cry a little bit after we ended, I survived.

Only nine performances left.  Two of them are today.  It's going to be a long one.  I'm going to review my script and get going on hair and makeup.  Cheers.

I'm a Superstar!

Opening Night Top Five Comments

The Tortoise and his Hair

5.  That's not a real kitty, right?  That's just a costume.

4.  Can I touch your wings?

3.  You're my favorite color!

2.  Why do you have green hair? (I wear a green feather hat.)

1.  My little brother ate an apple today.  He's one.

A Little Off the Top

5.  You're adorable.

4.  Star of the show!

3.  Little miss bombshell up there.

2.  Are you wrapped in cellophane under that dress?

1.  (From the cutest, oldest lady there)  Well you're just a little sexpot aren't you?

The Death and Life of Sherlock Homes along with Oklahoma! had normal comments - like I have great hair and I did a great job and they all enjoyed the show and will be back again for something else, etc.

Things are hellish on the director front though.  He needs to go back on his meds and plain stay away from me.  Seriously.  I have a lot of tolerance for sick people, but when it comes down to attacking me with rudeness and swearing and yelling?  Absolutely not.  I don't need that.  My tiny paycheck and my love of theatre keeps me coming back each day.

Are we having fun yet?

On an unrelated note, my little brother left yesterday for his week-long scouting camp. Before he left we played pictionary with sidewalk chalk.  Since there's just the two of us, and since he's ten years younger than me, we bend the rules a little bit.  It was fun - pretty much the only time that we've both been home at the same time to actually do something together.  He told me when he left not to miss him.  He said to take care of his chickens and if for some reason I did miss him, to pretend that the chickens were him.  He's such a funny little kid.  I love him lots.  Those chickens are pretty wacky too.  But they're a topic for a different day.  Cheers.

here's a sketch of chicken that someone else drew...
  all for your enjoyment

Acting Isn't Easy

I went swimming for the first time this summer.  After about ten minutes on the dock debating which was worse, the mosquitoes or the water below, the water won.  It was freezing even though I had a shorty wet suit on.  Somehow it felt warmer than the Midsummer pool though.  I miss that show.

Our Town, Mugnog, Die Fledermaus, A Midsummer Night's Dream, How I Learned to Drive

 Now I'm exploding with trying to memorize these parts.  And trying to make sure no one goes onstage naked.  We open next week.  Tortoise and Little Off the Top on the 19th, Sherlock on the 20th, OK! on the 22nd.  The murder mystery doesn't open until July 5th.  Music Man opens July 17th.  (My sister will be coming to visit from the 25th until the 9th of July!  Hopefully there will be minimal fighting between us.)

I wish I could redo my summer.  I wish I could have half of the roles I currently have, and half of my original roles.  I wish that the company hadn't left.  I wish they were better people than they were.  They had great talent and if they had better perspectives on theatre, we could have put together great great shows.  Now, with a lot of the community members filling in roles, the shows are suffering.  There's one girl in particular who is really really green.  She has just graduated high school, but she was home-schooled.  And she just turned 17 in May.  She doesn't take risk, she has an awkward cadence to her speech, and even though she's off book on almost all of her small roles, she's a bad actress.  She's going to Saint Olaf in the fall to study theatre.  Now - I didn't start out my acting career with skill.  I was not a good actor.  But I had presence.  And more importantly, I was so eager to learn.    She has... she's just... awkward.  This normally wouldn't be a problem because I could help her learn.  But she's so insecure that she doesn't take any constructive criticism well.  Not even from the director.  She doesn't take acting notes without shutting down  and becoming visibly frustrated and flustered.  How will I ever survive once I graduate from college.  I want to do real work and make real money.

Here are two pictures from DanceWorks.  They are from Reed's piece which was called So Full of Dreams.  (I haven't been able to find photos from the other pieces.  We haven't even gotten the rest of the photos from our photo shoot.)  But anyway, this is the one I did stilts in.  They're a little dark, but if you click on them they'll expand.  It was about Joseph Merrick - The Elephant Man.

I'm downstage right.  So as you're looking at it - I'm on the far left

Stilting.

I miss stilting.  I need to have someone build me my own set of stilts.  I would have to redesign them a bit so that they were more comfortable on my foot.  Because what good is it to put stilting on my resume if I don't have my own stilts?  I'm tired all of a sudden.  I'm going to go memorize some stuff.  Cheers.

Northwoods Nonsense

Well.  This is crazy.  Hey Claire, how's your summer so far?  Well... I'm working in summer stock...

The theatre is rotting, the cast was mutinous and left, and the directors aren't good at their jobs.  I'm doing the work of eight people for a terribly small stipend.  I have not kept one of my six original roles in the shows and am basically carrying the weight of every single female lead.  I am an actor.  I'm costume designer and costume crew.  I'm choreographer.  I am also director when the titled director fails and the poor non-actor community members come begging me to help them.  You know though, it's okay.  It's just really stressful and I worry a lot about memorizing lines and songs and making sure that when we open in TWO WEEKS no one will be going onstage naked.  I wish the resident cast hadn't left.  I liked them.  They had great talent.  Suck-y attitudes, but great talent.  I'm glad they left because I get way better parts in the shows, but it's unfortunate that I got landed with so much extra work.  I've also been left behind to deal with people who mean the best but really have no idea what they're doing.  By the end of this summer, I want to be remembered as the stand out actor in the shows.  I want to be the best.  I might already be the best... who knows.

I need a vacation.

Here are my characters for this summer (I'm building a professional resume - hooray.)

Marian - The Music Man by Meredith Wilson

Ado Annie - Oklahoma! by Rogers and Hammerstein

Mary Doyle/Mary Altamont - The Death and Life of Sherlock Holmes by Suzan L. Zeder

Sammy (the bird who thinks she's a dog) - The Tortoise and His Hair by Rory Behrens

Lisa - A Little Off the Top by Carl Williams

Alice - Death at Dinner (murder mystery) by Mark Batell

I'm going to go be a lightning rod now

Thank you Mr. Walken

Ready? Set? (no) GO!

Summer Stock 2013

a representation of my soul or costume research?

Well, it has begun.  My summer of crazy.  "Do summer stock!" they said.  "It'll be fun!" they said.  And honestly, it's not terrible.  It's certainly not the best representation of organized stock theatre, but it's something.  Technically I'm building a professional resume.  I'm doing costume design - spending my hours digging through the mess of the costume loft.  We do have a huge number of costumes.  About a third of them are hanging - jammed so tight that you have to tug hard to get one out far enough to see if it's usable.  The other two thirds of costumes are crumpled and jammed into bins which aren't labeled.  They are stacked to the roof in a very inaccessible way.  If they're not in a bin, they are in a pile. On hangers.  So when you find a contender, you not only have to dig, but unhook all of the tangled hangers on the way.  The other minor problem is that this loft in in the theatre.  The theatre is a closed in building, but it might as well be an open air theatre.  The costumes have not only been exposed to the elements including moisture, but they have been set upon by the chipmunks and peed upon by bats. 

STORY OF MY LIFE  (ps. this site is genius) 

Costuming here is a challenge to say the least.  Especially because we're in the lovely "North Woods" of Wisconsin where cheese curds are fried and served with ranch dressing and beer flows more freely than water.  So what, right?  Well the majority of costumes that we own range from size 2 to 6.  We have a fair number of 8 to 12.  But in the land were a size 10 woman looks like the anorexic in a room full of elephants, let's just say that we could use a few dresses sizes 20 through 24.

Reading back through what I've written I sound really bitter and very harsh.  But you know, I'm not going to delete it.  It's honest.  And really the only complaint I have at present is that I'm cold.  Now that's a weather thing, not a theatre disaster.  All in all, I am learning.  I'm making new friends with different theatre backgrounds and lots of knowledge to share.  It's a beautiful thing - this networking stuff.

We've got some photographer coming today to take uniform mugshots-I-mean-headshots so patrons know who we are.  I'm getting ready for my close up.

cheers!