Transitions

I have pictures, news, and worries to share.  In that order.

The pictures however, are not in the right order.  But that's okay.

This one is actually our poster.  Love it.

Awkward family photo.  Our tour car is the best.

I have a shot from each tour day.  Can't put them all up though.

Hairy Man loses his hair thanks to yours truly. 

Wiley

Nightmares

Look, I'm yawning for a photo op!

Here is my costume (upper half)

Yes those are jodhpurs and furry spats.  (And that's a tail)

Hairy Man

Wiley in the tree 

Seth fell asleep despite our no sleeping rule.

Skyline was a thing... Opened, closed.  Got nominated for UWEC's best actress in supporting role.  Absolutely no expectations there.  Also got nominated for the Irene Ryan's which was cool.  Skyline is complicated and I don't feel like explaining it.  These pictures in no way represent the story, but they are the nicest photos that I like the best.  Allooloo, me (Marcia), and Central Park.

Good.  Done.  Next.

I am graduating in about 13 days.  Nuts?  Perhaps.  Is this how I felt when high school was ending? Probably... Am I ready to move into the "real world" where I'm no longer going to be "safe?"  Probably.  Am I going to be just fine but I'm worried anyway?  Yeah.

I talked to my costuming professor/boss whom I will be accompanying to Utah.  She said, 

      “There’s going to be some time in your life, during graduate school, or a new job, or a career or something, that you’re going to say, ‘I’m not smart enough, I shouldn’t be here.’ Or, ‘I’m not talented enough, I shouldn’t be here.’  I think that all of us feel that way.  Whatever it is you’re doing, it’s not familiar, it’s not regimented, it’s not safe.  And you’re not going to have that anymore.  And you’ll feel those overwhelming feelings or failure, of anxiety, and just like in college, you just have to put one foot in front of the other.  It’s going to suck for a while,  Every new things suck for a while, but sometimes you have to push yourself outside of those boundaries and pretty soon, you’ll find that new thing will become the familiar.  It’s like running a marathon, but even so, you have to keep raising the bar for yourself to be a better person.”

I know this because I recorded it for a paper I had to write from an interview....  The point is.  A lot of times I imagine my future as a big, solid cube in front of me.  And it's hurtling at me with such force that I feel like I'm about to be run over and so my natural instinct is to want to run away and hide.  But, since I don't know what's in this big solid, block, I'm curious.  And I already know that if I don't add a little bit of confidence and ambition into that twinge of curiosity, I will be run over.

Here's the rub....  I want to go everywhere.  I want to do everything.  I want to be brilliant.  I have all the reasons in the world to be successful - I just have to do what Amanda said.  Run the marathon a step at a time.

More news.

I have a friend who is more than a friend.  But I don't know what to call him.  I want to spend time with him and I don't because I'm leaving.  I want to be with him, but I don't want to feel like I don't want to be without him.  Decisions, decisions.  I want a relationship - we are dating, that's the only thing to call it.  Labels are silly, but they are helpful.  But they're not because they mean different things to different people.  Advice I've gotten about this is the same as Amanda's.  Take it one day at a time.  Even an hour at a time.  Do I want to be with him now.  Yes or no.  This is the thing, I love doing what I want.  I've always been that way.  And lots of times, what I want is to be by myself doing my own thing.  Like shopping.  I went shopping yesterday by myself because I wanted to.  And it was great!  And people judge me, assuming I have no friends because I am alone.  I'm sick of caring what people think.  It's a hard thing to do, to not care, but I'm trying to train myself.  

This is turning into a very long post, but I did miss documenting an entire month of my life on here at least....

I don't understand how anyone can think without writing.

I am designing lights for Talley's Folly in case you care.  Which you probably don't.  But I do.  So, HA.

There is a novel growing inside me.

The time is coming to write it down.  There's too much there, to stay quite.

Cheers.